Peace everyone! I’m so happy to bring you all a new blog post this week. Going forward, my blogs will continue to be released on Sundays, however, it may not be every Sunday so be sure to subscribe so that you are alerted when I do post.
J2S has launched Season 1 of The Journey Interviews: Falling In Love With The Journey! This means that each Monday you will get to hear from me as I interview individuals within our melanated community about their journey 2 self. If you missed episode one, be sure to watch after you finish reading about where I am today in my journey.
Today's Lessons
“Before I could take another bite, I was sobbing to her expressing my complete exhaustion.”
Lately I’ve had this recurring theme of checking myself to make sure that my words and actions are aligning. It’s one thing to say you’re doing something but it’s a completely different thing to actually do it. I always tell you all that my journey is not complete. I’m learning daily, sometimes hourly or minute by minute. My most recent lesson has been around healing- of course. I noticed a sense of burnt-out energy slowly creeping up on me. I buried myself in J2S work, my family, my friends, and different shows to the point where the burnt-out energy exploded. Literally, I was having lunch with a friend and somewhere in the conversation I went from actively listening to being completely aware of this draining energy. Before I could take another bite, I was sobbing to her expressing my complete exhaustion. Not the type that is fixed by a bomb ass nap, but the type of exhaustion you get from being everything to everyone but you.
It's ALL Connected
I’m not sure if any of you have been so busy focusing on others to the point where you neglect to focus on you, but this was definitely me last week. As my friend was pouring into me and reassuring me that she’s here for me, I remember pausing the entire situation. Just like in the movies, I stopped time and connected with myself. I heard my inner voice say, “that’s so sweet that she’s here for you, BUT, what you also need is to be here for yourself”. Once I returned to the conversation with my friend, I slowly began to do the work of releasing. I realized I cannot say I release stress, pressure, uncertainty, self-doubt without actually doing it. When I made it home, I released everything that I was feeling. I did this by saying out loud all the things that had resided in my head those last 7 days. My husband was present and listening, but I was the target audience. I was acknowledging. I was responding. I was accepting. I was releasing.
Throughout my journey, my recurring wake up call, alerts, triggers, whatever you want to call it, stems around motherhood. I place unrealistic pressures on myself to give my all to parenting not realizing that the main person I should give my all to is me. When we neglect ourselves due to the false narrative that our kids need us more, we tend to unintentionally put trauma, drama, strife, and low energy into them. Simply because we are giving from an empty source. I remember thinking that I couldn’t relate to my 8-year-old because I did not remember what being 8 was like. I previously told you all that I suppressed some childhood trauma for decades, well, that suppression also suppressed some good memories. I have a hard time remembering parts of my childhood. Fortunately, meditation, journaling, blogging, active acknowledgement, and verbal communication of my fears/feelings initiated some healing that helped me release this motherhood self-doubt. The one true way to connect positively with my daughters isn’t to schedule time with them, it’s to schedule time with me. I had to return to Aniqua and I have to keep returning back to myself whenever I feel the disconnection. This act requires spending more time revisiting my childhood because in order to heal, you must know what you are healing from. I am embarking upon learning and rediscovering while reminding myself that whatever I remember will not make me a victim again. I am not that same person plus, I’ve already survived that part of my journey.
Simply Put
“J2S is not a gossip platform for you to reveal your deepest and darkest aspects to us, J2S is a platform to encourage you to reveal your deepest and darkest aspects to YOURSELF.”
Being a truer version of myself is definitely always the goal. But saying that is one thing, it’s time I continue the journey by going back and reconnecting. While I may not share every single detail with you all, I will share what my spirit encourages me to. J2S is not a gossip platform for you to reveal your deepest and darkest aspects to us, J2S is a platform to encourage you to reveal your deepest and darkest aspects to YOURSELF. Join me in returning to the past so that you can cross the hurdles in your present day. Know that to extend real love and light to your kids, you have to extend it to yourself.
This week your homework is to watch episode one of the Journey interviews that aired on IG and FB on 11/1. Then, tomorrow, watch episode 2 to really begin to understand that there is no template for this journey. We are all just trying to journey towards our true self.
Until next time,
Uniquely Aniqua
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